Summer Bretz
Eng. 102
Section#24271
09/19/09
WP#1
Eng. 102
Section#24271
09/19/09
WP#1
Family Planning
When is the right time to start planning for a family? Some people always know that they want to have children at some point in their lives. Other people don’t realize that a family is what they want until later in life, when they meet their partner or after achieving career goals. It seems that a steadily increasing number of women are waiting until later in life to conceive. In theory, this appears to be a good idea because later in life you could be more mature, financially stable, and settled. Because of technology advancements and progress in medicine our bodies are staying healthy and active, well into our 60’s for some people. This observation leads to my question: Should a pregnancy be termed as “high risk” based on a maternal age of over 30?
Doctor’s have expressed that pregnancy for women 30 and older is considered a high risk. Any pregnancy under the age of 20 is also considered a high risk. I understand the concept of a risky pregnancy in any woman under 20-years-old because their body hasn’t had a chance to completely develop. On the other hand, a woman in her 30’s is old enough that her body has matured, but is definitely not old enough that her body is deteriorating. The medical term for this age defined high risk is “advanced maternal age”. Women in their 30’s are just as capable as women in their 20’s and in some cases even more healthy. I would like to know why pregnant women in their 30’s have to endure extra testing during pregnancy and extra pressure to start families at a younger age.
Pregnancy is a topic that always interests me because it’s such a unique and interesting process. I was pregnant with my daughter when I was 17-years-old. Since I was so young when I had her I wasn’t thinking about having any more children soon afterwards. My life revolved around caring for her and making a life for us. It has been just the two of us since she was a year old and being a single mom can be a struggle. Keeping up with our life was full enough that still, I never considered having anymore children. I was always very happy with life being just the two of us.
Around the time that my daughter was turning six and in kindergarten my biological clock slowly started ticking. My daughter was also starting to ask questions and wonder why she didn’t have any brothers or sisters. Then both of my sisters became pregnant and my internal clock started blaring instead of quietly ticking. I started doing the math on how much time I had to have more children. I knew that after 30-years-old pregnancy was considered a high risk. This gave me six years. “Yikes!” I had six years to meet a guy, possibly make a relationship out of it, get engaged, get married, get pregnant, and have a baby! This plan was clearly unrealistic and a little crazy, since you can’t plan life that way. So I started to wonder if maybe my life was supposed to be just me and my daughter, and maybe I was never meant to have more children.
Now I am down to four years until I turn 30 and I know I’m not going to make that deadline. So my purpose for this research is to find out if a high risk pregnancy after 30 is more of a precaution or is it serious enough to believe that I am out of time. I want to inform readers and myself on the realistic expectations of pregnancy at a later age. I want to understand what the options are in family planning for older couples. I also would like to inform women of what to look ahead to concerning the risk on their own bodies; as well as, the risks presented to their baby.
Women are the main focus of my audience because pregnancy is something they personally go through. However, I understand that the class as whole is my audience and I believe that men can also benefit from this research. Pregnancy might not be a primary thought in anyone’s mind right now, but at some point, everyone is going to think about if it’s something they want or when is a good time. Even if pregnancy isn’t something my audience is concerned with personally; everyone has a family member or a friend that will want to be at some point. I think this information could be useful when considering family planning for the teacher and the entire class.
I recognize that in order to give my audience as much accurate information as possible it will take time to research. I plan to do a lot of internet research. Medicine and science change so frequently that I believe the internet will have the most updated research available. I would also like to do some investigating on chat boards specifically created for moms, and find out what their opinions are of “advanced maternal age”. I want to know their personal experiences, and find out how high risk pregnancies differed from an optimal pregnancy. Pregnancy can always be a risk, and every mother has her own story.
Do you have any unanswered questions after you finished reading the draft? What are they?
ReplyDeleteWho says that post-30 pregnancies are categorized as high-risk? Is there an “expert's” quote that will lend credence to the research question?
What did you like about the draft? How/why did you like it? How might the author build on that section?
I think this is great start! The research question is clearly stated in the first paragraph: This observation leads to my question: Should a pregnancy be termed as “high risk” based on a maternal age of over 30? I think I would have liked to see more of an introduction/background into why over 30 pregnancies are deemed high risk.
What sections are confusing to you? How/why? Ask your classmates questions that would help you to make sense of the section.
Like my own draft, I thought the concluding paragraph was a bit weak. It did not summarize what the reader should expect from the research paper. Stay focused on the narrow research topic too. Should a maternal age of 30+ pregnancy be labeled “high risk”?
Where would you like to know more? Ask questions!
What authority, stat, group, survey says that 30+ years equal high risk pregnancy?
Why do they say that 30+ years equal high risk pregnancy?
What are the technological and medical advances for today’s 30+ woman that reduces the risks?
What is the stat showing women are delaying pregnancies to later in life?
What are YOUR feelings on having a high risk pregnancy?
I’d like to read more about your pregnancy at 17 years old; according to the draft that was a “high risk” pregnancy.
Does the draft provide all the requested information listed in the assignment prompt and grading criteria? If not, what is it missing?
I think this is a well written draft. It did contain most of the elements listed in the WP#1 Draft Proposal – Assignment Prompt. What were missing were clear transitions, main point relationships and smooth flowing sentences.
Use the"Editing Proofreading Strategies" (http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/general/gl_edit.html) to focus on some content and structure elements. Try to give specific details and examples of how/why you would revise something.
I see Cohesion and Unity are the two weak points.
Use the same page to focus on some surface and style elements. Try to give specific details and examples of how/why you would revise something.
The only thing that I can suggest is to stay focused on if 30+ years old should require high-risk labeling. I think this is a great, controversial topic. This is a topic in which I can see your passion. Even as a man, I’d like to understand if “older” women can have low risk pregnancies.
'It seems that a steadily increasing number of women are waiting until later in life to conceive.' - it seems that - is not needed. it either is or it isn't.
ReplyDeleteother than that i really liked the paper and i didn't see any grammatical errors.
Do you have any unanswered questions after you finished reading the draft? What are they?
ReplyDeleteI really don't have any unanswered questions it's weird to think that there is the "perfect" age to have kids. If it happens it happens.
What did you like about the draft? How/why did you like it? How might the author build on that section?
I really dig where this paper is going and it can only get better from here. I like the suttle flows from section to section making it extreemly easy to read. Once you reach the topic of the age range it might be intresting to see more background on under 20 pregnancies and why they are "bad".
What sections are confusing to you? How/why? Ask your classmates questions that would help you to make sense of the section.
The Concluding paragraph is always the culpret even for my paper. It just didn't seem to sum up the paper as a whole. You were saying earlier in the paper how you had a child at 17 and having children under 20 isn't good because women are undeveloped for the work load of the baby. I just like to see all the info included in the last paragraph.
Where would you like to know more? Ask questions!
What is the history of 30+ high risk for pregnancy's?
Your pregnancy was concidered a high risk one it would be really intresting to have some of your feelings on that in here as well.
Does the draft provide all the requested information listed in the assignment prompt and grading criteria? If not, what is it missing?
From my eyes i like the draft and think it's well written. This paper contained most of the objectives listed in the WP# Assignment prompt. What was missing was the research and how smooth everthing thing will be once that is taken care off.
Use the"Editing Proofreading Strategies" (http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/general/gl_edit.html) to focus on some content and structure elements. Try to give specific details and examples of how/why you would revise something.
I see cohesion as something to work on for the future of your paper.
Use the same page to focus on some surface and style elements. Try to give specific details and examples of how/why you would revise something.
The two things that I think that would be good to focus on is the age ranges for high risk pregnancies. 30+ year old women and 20 and under women. All the history and that could come up from these two topics would be really intresting.
*In theory, this appears to be a good idea(, i think you should add a comma here) because later in life you (may be) more mature, financially stable, and settled.
ReplyDelete*Because of technology advancements and progress in medicine our bodies are staying healthy and active, well into our 60’s for some people.
(Don't think it's such a good idea to start a sentence with "because". I would say, "due to technological..")
*This observation leads to my question: Should a pregnancy be termed as “high risk” based on a maternal age of over 30?
(very well said!)
*I would like to know why pregnant women in their 30’s have to endure extra testing during pregnancy and extra pressure to start families at a younger age.
(can't wait to see how this is answered more in depth in the final paper, I have always wondered the same thing. I'm pretty sure i posted to one of your other blogs about the same thing, my mom had me when she was 30, and i have two younger siblings, her pregnancys went well and we were/are all healthy. Also a few of my aunts and my sister in law have had kids in their late 30"s. I guess what i'm trying to get across is you are obviously connecting with your audience =)
*Pregnancy is a topic that (I have always been interested in) because it’s such a unique and interesting process.
*Keeping up with our life was full enough that still, I never considered having anymore children.
(not sure what you are trying to say???...)
*“Yikes!” I had six years to meet a guy, possibly make a relationship out of it, get engaged, get married, get pregnant, and have a baby!
(again i just want to let you know youa re doing a great job connecting with your audience! i think that many women and men can relate to the fact that time isn't always on our side)
*Now I am down to four years until I turn 30(, add comma take out the owrd and) I know I’m not going to make that deadline.
*(delete the word So) My purpose for this research is to find out if a high risk pregnancy after 30 is more of a precaution or is it serious enough to believe that I am out of time.
***over all good job! I did notice after reading your paper that you didn't talk about any limitations in your research (i'm pretty sur ethat was part of the prompt.)
Although this is late I'm hoping that when I read your final wp#1 it will be even that much better!
ReplyDelete1) I have to wonder what the statistics are on these high risk pregnancies. How many women are actually considered high risk just due to their age? Do these same women have other "high risk" qualities? How do they compare to the teen high risk pregnancies? What is the percentage of women that actually have problems due to being labeled high risk? How many go through their entire pregnance with no complications?
2) I'm very interested in this paper as I just turned 35 and I would still love to have more children. I'm on that timeline but instead of looking towards 30 I'm looking at the big 4-0! I think the author will be able to build on her points just fine.
3) Maybe easier transitions but I feel that each paragraph flowed into the next just fine. I could easily follow her "timeline" and could see where she was trying to go.
4) I stated above that I would like to see some examples of what makes the pregnancies "high risk" and then for the final paper she would be able to expand on these points and give more detailed research and stats.
5) All the information is in here, it just needs to flow a little bit better for me to flow with it.
6) Maybe expand and give a couple more paragraphs with more examples of the reasons pregnancy is considered high risk after 30.
7) I understand the concept of a risky pregnancy in any woman under 20-years-old because their body hasn’t had a chance to completely develop. (The concept of a risky pregnancy in any woman under 20-years-old is understandable due to the fact that their body hasn't had a chance to fully develop.)
I think it's just a matter of re-arranging some of the words in the sentence to make it flow better.
Now I am down to four years until I turn 30 and I know I’m not going to make that deadline. (I am now down to four years until I turn 30 and I know I'm not going to make this deadline.)